Craft stores have their fall decor for sale, pumpkin spice is returning to our coffees, and the air is getting crisper. That’s right, fall is approaching! Honestly, I am really glad it is. Not only is it probably my favorite season, but I also kind of hated this summer. I’m ready to see it leaf (pun intended).
So, what happened this summer? For me, it was a rough one. I moved back home to Johnson City, started back at my old job, and settled back into Tennessee life. But something was different. Johnson City felt foreign and I missed the hustle & bustle of life in Orlando. I suddenly went from having a readily available group of friends and places to do stuff to not having many friends close by and finding myself not knowing what to do for fun. When you go from being able to got to the most magical place on earth to small town Tenneessee, it’s a weird transition. So that led to a lot of weird emotions this summer.
By weird, I mean sad. Sadness is weird to me because I often try to avoid it at all costs and shove it deep down within myself & not show it when it is there (is my enneagram 7-ness showing?). This summer though I couldn’t help but feel surrounded by it. I hated it. I just spent four months being the happiest I’d ever been, I shouldn’t be feeling sad after such an incredible opportunity. There’s so much worse stuff people are going through, what gives me to right to feel so down in the dumps? Can you see how this internal dialogue could be a bit of a bear to deal with? Yeah, me too.
I had high expectations for the summer! It’s my last one before graduating college and joining the “real world.” I was supposed to be having fun. Instead, I worked a lot and stayed home a lot wishing I was back at Disney and missing my friends. Part of me was stuck on the memories and wouldn’t let me move on with my life. I know that even if i had stayed at Disney it wouldn’t be the same. A lot of my friends went back home and would have not been there. That doesn’t mean I still didn’t get a wicked case of FOMO every now & then while seeing posts from the people who are still there.
In comparison to life right before, summer ’19 seemed like a dud. That doesn’t mean there weren’t good days and fun times, they were just fewer and farther between than they used to be. It did cause me to learn a lot.
I learned to pay attention to the little moments and not downplay their signifigance. Trips walking to Starbuck’s with friends from work, getting to snuggle with my cat, not having to buy my own groceries (thanks, mom), and all the little things in between. These are the moments now that can mean so much more than they seem. They’re not getting hugs from Mickey Mouse or taking a trip to Mt. Everest in search of a yeti, but they matter.
In all honesty, I’m pretty glad summer ’19 is coming to an end. I’m excited to get back on campus for my senior year and graduate in May. I love the department I’m in and I’m excited for all that I’ll learn and be able to do throughout this last year! It’ll bring some more regularity back into my life that I’m hoping will help my mental state.
Plus, who knows, by this time next year I may be back working at Disney. I’m excidetly looking at different opportunities for post-graduation and really am pumped to see the aazing things God has in store. Whether that’s grad school, moving somewhere new, or staying where I am, I know good things will happen.
I hope summer ’19 has treated everyone well! If you’re in the same boat as me, here’s hoping fall will bring not only a new weather season, but a new & joyous season of life.
❤ / Bailey