My top three biggest fears in life that have stayed with me since I was young go in this order:
1. Elevators, indoor rides, caves, being buried alive, and any space where there is not a clear/easy exit.
2. Being completely alone.
Yeah, that third one’s gonna be real fun here in two months (exactly two months from today to be exact). To be completely honest, I’ve never been a big fan of change. I tend to order the same thing I always get at restaurants, where the same variation of clothes for a while, and I order the same three drinks at Starbucks every time I go. I like things that are familiar and that I know I can trust. Going along with that has been a fear of moving. When my dad had to take his old job back in Charlotte I begged my parents not to make me move. It scared the living daylights out of me.
I think this is one of the major reasons why I needed to go to Walt Disney World next semester. The truth is, I know this is a fear I need to face head-on if I want to be fully “adulting.” I need to be outside of my comfort zone, away from my family and experiencing new things every day so that I can continue to develop and grow as a person.
As much as I know that I need this experience, it still scares me. I’m scared at the thought of my friends forgetting about me while I’m gone, that I won’t stay in touch as much as I’d like to, that I’ll miss out on big things happening back at home, and that I’ll miss out on opportunities to form and grow relationships here. There’s this nagging voice in the back of my head repeating these things to me. Most of the time, my excitement outweighs that as this is an incredible opportunity that I’ve dreamed of doing for so long, but it doesn’t make the fear completely go away.
Luckily, it tends to only come in waves. I think the more I actually prepare for moving, the more excited and comfortable I’ll feel. I love shopping and the idea of decorating my new apartment so I can cling to that for joy. Of course, I’m also excited to be spending almost every day for four months in one of my favorite places on Earth with the amazing new friends I’ll make. I am looking forward to forming a family away from family and getting to know so many new people. It’s things like this, and the reminder that this is a dream come true, that help make everything seem a little less scary.
I’m learning that I’ll have to trust God through the change. I can’t tell you how many times I prayed that He would show me a sign as to whether or not I should go, and everything seems to be saying “trust me and go.” So, here’s to answering that call and going. I’m ready for this next big adventure.
❤ / Bailey